For many marriages that missing ingredient is encouragement.
Encouragement is the most powerful way of telling you partner that you accept them as they are, that you understand their goals and desires, and that you value them.
Encouragement is unconditional. Frequently, we think we are communicating encouragement by saying such things but we tend to add a “but…” to the comment. “I love it when you cook but … I wish you wouldn’t make such a mess;” or “Thank you for putting your dirty clothes in the hamper, why don’t you do that all the time?”Encouragement tied to a condition is actually a discouragement.
When we encourage our partner we free them up to express their thoughts and feelings without the fear of being rejected.It also frees us up to talk out difficult situations and work through real problems.
When marriage doesn’t meet our expectations we tend to become discouraged. When both partners feel discouraged the relationship can start a spiral of negativity that can be deadening. Unfortunately, many of us develop this a pattern of discouragement and we are not even aware of it.
Finally, recognize that no one can give too much encouragement.Encouragement is always good and can be shown in all circumstances.
How To Become An Encourager!
We all stop growing when we live in fear of rejection. Encouragement creates an atmosphere free of the fear of rejection and allows us to continue to grow in our relationships. So commit yourself to developing your encouragement skills.
In next months issue we will discuss some encouragement skills you can work on in your marriage. For now work on applying the principals of encouragement in this months article.