Discovery Counseling Center articles

When we perceive something is a threat to us it generates angry feelings. It is appropriate and necessary to protect ourselves from harm or danger, so experiencing anger in response to a perceived threat is appropriate. Unfortunately our perceptions are not always accurate, so we must be careful as human beings to take the time necessary to confirm our perceptions, before acting, when that is possible.

People in unhealthy marriages typically play marital games that prevent growth and lead to lost intimacy and marital satisfaction. In there book, Time for a Better Marriage, Carlson & Dinkmeyer list several typical games people play. Though the rules to these games are written by the couples who play them and are therefore unique to each couple, they basic is the same from marriage to marriage.

Making choices is one of the God-given responsibilities of every human being and a primary ingredient for a good and healthy marriage.

Having a conscience is an important part of being human. Our conscience convicts us when we are tempted or have done something unethical or illegal. It is built with a world of beliefs and reinforced by hundreds of thoughts that we experience as “shoulds.” You should be nice to your sister. You should get a job. To the extent that our beliefs and thoughts are healthy our conscience serves us well and we are wise to take heed to what it tells us.

Is your life over-stressed? Can’t seem to get a handle on all that you need to do? Are too many bad circumstances ruining the good in life?

The American Psychological Association did a survey (2007) prior to the current economic downturn and it showed 20% of the population experience extreme stress at least 15 days out of the month. I am sure that number has at least doubled in the last few months.

Yes, the holidays are a time of joy, but they can also be a time of profound sadness and grief for those who have lost loved ones recently. The holidays accentuate the loss and the emptiness one might feel with their loved one missing the family times around the tree or at the bountiful Christmas meal or those planned shopping sprees, or picking out that special gift for them. When you go to the store to shop for others, it seems all you can see or find are things that would have delighted the heart of your loved one.

Everyone knows that money problems are frequently at the center of relational problems, but have you every wondered whether you might have a “financial disorder”? “Financial Psychologists” Ted and Brad Klontz have written a book, Mind Over Money in which they claim many people do and list several in their book including: Money-Avoidance Disorder, Money-Worshipping Disorder, and Relational Money Disorder.

Regret is an awful feeling we all experience at times in our lives.  We look back at things we have done and realize that we could have been a better parent, a better mate, a better person.  We are haunted by the thoughts of hurting someone we love, neglecting someone who deserved our attention, or not appreciating someone that is now gone.  Sometimes our past behavior has sent our life on a downward spiral and the momentum of the fall seems greater than we can deal with.

We need to feel anxious when we have a test to take the next morning. Anxiety keeps us aware of our need to study and prepare. Anxiety at certain levels is necessary to live a responsible life.

However, anxiety becomes unhealthy when it becomes overwhelming and interferes with daily life.

... these feelings usually pass within a few of days. However, if these feelings become a normal daily experience and begin to interfere with daily life, and cause you and people who love you to become concerned then you probably have a depressive disorder. Depression is a common but serious illness, and most who experience it need treatment to get better.

We all make one very big decision in life that has a huge impact on how much we enjoy life. The decision: Will failure be our friend or enemy?

Prepare an Atmosphere for Fun

For most the holidays are a time of joy, but, for many, it can also be the most depressing time of year. Here are some tips if you would like to encourage someone who has lost their holiday joy.

Communication is not just talking to one another. True communication happens when the person we are communicating with understands our words, AND also the thoughts and feelings that go along with those words. Most of us have few relationships in which we feel totally free to tell others what we think and feel.

The year is well underway for your children. It is a good time to examine what is working, not working, what can be changed and how.

Many of you I have already had the pleasure of meeting at the center and engaged in casual conversation. I look forward to meeting all of you as we travel on this journey together. Let me start by saying that at DCC our goal is for each one of us, client and staff, to learn and practice good mental health as part of our daily lives, but especially during these challenging times when social distancing can limit our connections to each other and our mobility.

Valentines Day is traditionally a day when people make a special effort to tell those they care about that they are loved. LOVE is an action word.

It’s an oxymoron, but true. Love grows if it is given away!

Why do some marriages thrive, even through difficult times, while others spiral downward no matter the effort to save the marriage? How is it that so many people experience the very common feeling that “I love him/her, but I don’t like them"? The answer to both questions is relatively simple. Marriages built upon a friendship thrive, while others do not.

Words are cheap, but action is traction.

Learn to say "I Love You" without words.

As Christmas of 2008 becomes history and the calendar page flips over into 2009, we all begin to take a look at the new year and ask ourselves, What will 2010 hold for me? Most of us in all honesty may feel a tinge of fear or uncertainty. After all, 2008 may have been a tough year, a year of sadness, losses, disappointments, or possibly unmet goals and desires. Even if 2008 was very good to you, you need to sit down in a quiet place and ask yourself, What do I really want in 2009? What is really important to me at this time in my life?

Both teachers and parents feel anxiety when meeting for a Parent-Teacher Conference, and preparing questions to ask before you go will help alleviate the anxiety, increase confidence, and ensure you walk away with all you need to help and encourage your child in school.

Most parents are surprised when they discover that the way they parented so successfully when the kids were younger does not work when the kids become teens. It is like they became different people. You may have had one of those bumper stickers that said, “Do You Know WHERE Your Kids Are?” and have to change it now to say, “Do You Know WHO Your Kids Are?”

The teen years are a time to try out various adult type behaviors to discover who they are and how they want to present themselves to others as an adult. When teens are successful with healthy behaviors they develop a healthy self-esteem. Unfortunately, most teens leave these years with a strong sense of inadequacy. Maxwell Maltz estimated that 95% of all people in our society feel inferior. Those who don’t realize a healthy identity in the teens years will continue the struggle in adulthood.

Here is a list of ways you can help your kids get much better grades in school. These ideas are taken from numerous research projects.  Do these 10 things and your kids will make significant improvement.

You may be feeling that parenting is an awesome, rewarding, tiring, unthankful, overwhelming job . . . as there have been millions of books and articles written on the subject, many a class and seminar. I personally like to encapsulate it in a simple phrase on the cusp which means “at a time of transition.”

When we think of love, we need to think of friendship -- whether it is being a friend with God, our mate, children, best friend, or a casual friend. Friends are a gift from God. God has wired us to be relational with Himself and with others. To me, the essential qualities of friendship can best be wrapped up in the CASEfactor . . .

WE TALK TOO MUCH and WE SHOW TOO MUCH EMOTION

For many marriages that missing ingredient is encouragement. Encouragement is the most powerful way of telling you partner that you accept them as they are, that you understand their goals and desires, and that you value them. 

Tank on empty? Maybe taking some baby steps toward change will help. Remember, it takes time and practice to change things.

As Christmas approaches, we have thoughts and feelings attached to it and many times we find ourselves getting sucked into doing what others think we should be doing. Christmas is a time of rejoicing, renewing friendships with family and friends as well as a time of giving. Giving is best when it’s both for the giver and the receiver. So, you may be asking, What’s one of the greatest gifts I can give to those I care about?

Have you ever wondered why some of your relationships may work well while others do not? According to Janet Woititz, Ed.D, in her book Adult Children of Alcoholics, there are 12 essential ingredients to every healthy relationship, whether the person is a parent, child, friend, spouse, boss, etc. The question you need to ask yourself is if all of them are present in your relationships. According to Dr. Woititz, if any one of them is missing, one cannot sustain a healthy relationship with that person. The form or degree may be different for different types of relationships. However, all of these ingredients have equal importance in each relationship.

This information is taken from the book Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chuck Ingram. This information can help you evaluate a relationship and determine if you are really in love.

There is a house in Seattle a couple can enter and within the hour a prediction can be made as to whether the marriage will make it or not. Would you sign up to enter that house?